Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
