Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
