It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
