Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
