i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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