Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
