You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
