so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
