Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
