Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
