btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
