His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
