How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want a musical about memes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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