I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She said her name was "party"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So squirting runs in the family.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
