Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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