next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
