I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
