Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
