my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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