I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
