no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
