i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
