Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize