Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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