no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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