i already hear my dad disowning me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
