Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
where are my eyebrows?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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