this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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