return my video game
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
