Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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