everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
smell my finger.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
