I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
