He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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