I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
