Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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