Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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