There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
