what day is it and did you see me today?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
