I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
