Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
