There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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