So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
a search helicopter?!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
