The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
