She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I will be naked everywhere
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
