You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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