The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
