she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
