my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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