I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize