just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
