well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
