he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
