Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
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