Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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