im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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