Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
