Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
