thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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