I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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