Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
